Often when I’m with a guy and he does something that pisses me off, I don’t express my frustration because I don’t want to seem like a “crazy chick”. I hold it in, or try to diffuse my emotion before expressing myself. But I wonder, is it ever okay to just let those feelings fly?

by Simone Kornfeld


Excellent question. One of the authors of Smitten (Simone) has no qualms about busting balls and blasting off the moment a guy acts like a jerk-off. The other author (Ariel) has the tendency to be excessively “understanding” when the dude edges into rude, self-centered, or inconsiderate behavior. For fear of rocking the boat she tends to internalize her frustrated response. If you are like Simone no need to read on. If you are more like Ariel you might want to dare to get down and dirty for a change. So if he declines your invitation to take a moonlight stroll and turns on Rocky IV for the umpteenth time, don’t just acquiesce. Instead steal the remote, flip off the TV, and launch into a loud parody of the Rocky theme song while jumping up and down on the couch. Or if he chortles at your politically neutral stance on Israel, instead of clamming up, invite him to take his precious NY Times, roll it into a neat little tube and go pleasure himself with it. Or when he chides you for your experimental foray into Grace Jones style rainbow eye shadow, instead of running to wipe it off, tell him you feel like you just got punched in the heart and walk out on him, kicking his dog in the face and shattering the glass door panel as you slam it behind you. Okay, do your best not to hurt any innocent animals, but you get the idea. Don’t be a doormat! If you’ve spent your life as a pacifier, shake the cage. Go a little cray cray. Throw a fit. See if he can handle it. What’s the worst that can happen? He breaks up with you? Good, because you didn’t want to be with a dictator-like prick who doesn’t consider your needs and feelings anyway.

BTW Ariel has been experimenting with these sorts of theatrical emotional outbursts lately and found that throwing the occasional fit actually causes men to respect and desire her more. Plus it’s fun. Go figure.