My question is about reaching out. Is it the guy’s job to always pursue, send texts, ask for the next date, etc.? I feel like if he's interested, he will reach out. But now it's been a week since hearing from him. What is my responsibility especially when I want to embrace feminine receptivity and allow men to pursue me?

by Simone Kornfeld


This question comes up over and over again with any new person we date. How much should I reach out? How much should I let on that I like the person? Whose job is it to initiate? And with every new person, there is a new balance to strike. Both parties need to give and also receive for the relationship to progress. It is certainly nice to be courted by a man, and we get that you want him to take that initiative. To decide if you should reach out now, a few things must be taken into consideration. First, honestly assess your most recent communications. When reviewing your latest text thread, were you being warm and inviting or were you being chilly and removed? Did you communicate that you are into him by letting him know how much you enjoyed your recent date? Or were you being cool and casual? Guys are more sensitive than we give them credit for. They need positive encouragement. Just like it encourages us to be told that we are incredibly fun to hang with or that our curves are magic, it motivates them to hear us gush about the perfect slice of pizza they introduced us to or their sexy thatch of chest hair. So honestly assess if you’ve been giving him the green light, or if your light has been yellow or flashing red. It’s no fun being hot for someone who is only lukewarm, and a mature man wants a mature woman who isn’t impossibly hard-to-get.

Assuming that you have adequately displayed your interest in him through your latest communications, we feel that he should be making a point to reach out to you. A week is a really long time in a budding relationship. A little gumdrop of a text saying “Hi, super busy til the weekend but thinking of you!” goes a looooong way. Mature people know this. And a mature man should know that if he wants to be with a self-respecting mature woman, he should to treat her as such. Our credo is this: If he has time to take a piss, he has time to send a text. He could even do both at the same time! So if you’ve been warm and inviting and he’s not dialing in, this is GOOD INFORMATION.

Refer to our video blog from January 3rd about “Forcing the moment to its crisis”. Then reach out and find out if he wants to keep exploring getting to know you, or if it feels like your connection has run its course. Be totally open to his answer. Get the information you need. And go from there. Remember, as a self-realizing woman you are MOST interested in the truth of the situation. Because truth is sexy. And so are you. Stay that way.