My girlfriend is enticing me to have a threesome with her and her boyfriend. I have been laughing it off (as to avoid any awkwardness) but they started sending me provocative photos in a group-chat. I feel like I am being manipulated. How can I politely decline (and get out of this chat) without hurting anyone’s feelings?

by Simone Kornfeld


In the spirit of three’s, we have three words for you…boundaries, boundaries, boundaries! Your girlfriend and her beau are not respecting yours, and it seems you need to be more stalwart in upholding your own. We won’t even delve into why this supposed “friend” of yours is refusing to get the message that you have no interest in either her or her boyfriend ringing your bell. Perhaps this is an opportunity to glance into the relationship mirror and evaluate what’s really going on in this dynamic? But back to the task at hand… As shown in Smitten the quickest way to uphold your boundaries is to use your voice (either verbal or written). In this case we suggest making your refusal light, crisp and crystal clear. “Hi you two, just got your latest pic. Looks like you’ve both been hitting the gym lately! Lovely. But again, I’m not interested. And I will never be interested. Though I totally support your sexual exploration, threesomes just aren’t my thing. I suggest looking on Craigslist for a third. I’m sure you’ll luck out there. I’m signing off this group chat. Catch you both on the flip side. Cheers.” You needn’t worry about their feelings because ultimately this is a ridiculous proposal. If you had to refuse your friend’s request to donate bone marrow to save her from a life-threatening illness, then we would suggest more tact and empathy. This is not the case. So say your piece and waste no more time on this issue. As a self-realizing femme you’ve surely got couilles to decline this most unsavory ménage à trois. Sacrebleu.