I’m really into this new guy I’m dating. He’s awesome in so many ways…but the sex stinks. Do you think it’s even worth continuing to date him?

by Simone Kornfeld


Oh girl we feel for you! To this we must ask what sort of stink are we talking about? Is it a case of over-enthusiasm paired with lack of skill? Or under-enthusiasm that leaves absolutely no sparkly feelings beneath the navel? If the movements of his hand/mouth/man-parts are too fast, lacking in rhythm, or clumsily awkward, but you feel that he’s entirely excited to be in such close proximity to your lady curves, this usually connotes a case of over-enthusiasm. This affliction is actually quite sweet and can thankfully be corrected with some explicit and direct coaching from you. Clearly elaborate on what you like, where it feels good, at what rhythm, etc. and physically give him a map of the terrain. You can do this in a sensual bedroom purr that will not reveal how insufficient you find his moves to be. (And you can expect to receive an honorary medal in 4-6 weeks for doing this good deed for womankind.) Now if we’re talking about the other end of the spectrum—under-enthusiasm—well that’s a stink of a different flavor. This is the guy that spends three minutes going down and then complains of neck cramps. Or the one who constantly attempts to pull you on top because he can’t be bothered to do any of the thrusting work himself. In this case Smitten says cut your losses and move on. Such a self-involved sort will probably never be truly giving to anyone but himself. And that’s just lame.

Different people prioritize sex differently. For some, it’s not the most important thing in the relationship, or maybe not even on their top-five list. But it sounds like it’s pretty important to you. Assuming you’re practicing monogamy, this is the only person you’re going to be sexually engaged with, so it should be good. Hopefully it would even have the potential for greatness! So communicate your desires and give him a chance to get it right. But if after ten or so rolls in the hay you’re still not filled with glittery excitement, move on. It’s unrealistic and ultimately unsustainable to compromise on bedroom satisfaction.