I'm in my 30's and was in a couple long-term relationships during my 20's. I’m ready to fall in love again but it feels so much harder now. Why is that and are my chances for love too slim to ever happen again?

by Simone Kornfeld


First of all, congratulations on not compromising. We trust that those relationships ended for good reasons. We are glad you didn’t sink into the saggy couch of a comfortably numb partnership just for the sake of not being alone. High five. We do have a few ideas about what might be making falling in love feel more challenging during this season of your life. Mainly, now that you’re in your 30’s you have a much richer sense of yourself and your needs in partnership. You no longer settle for a curbside Ikea couch. Instead you spend six months looking for that leather Chesterfield you’ve always dreamed about. The 20’s are a time to take a seat on a variety of types and see how they feel under your tush. But once you’ve discovered how much you prefer chamois, calf hide and nubuck, the others just aren’t worth taking home. This makes the pickings slimmer.

The bright side is that in your 30’s you probably don’t have time to cozy up with misfits anymore because you are busy building and living your awesome life. Which brings us to the second point. Since you’re busy being so awesome, it will probably take someone doubly awesome to give you pause. You can’t just cruise down to Jennifer Convertibles and pick a model off the floor. You need a guy that’s more custom fit to your authentic tastes and values. Again, this limits your selections.

For now we suggest taking the time pressure off. When unsavory thoughts arise, such as “I’m getting old, my ovaries are drying up, I need to solve this NOW,” notice them and then let them go. They are of no service whatsoever; they will not help you rope a fellow any faster, so don’t let them set up shop in your consciousness. Instead continue to show up at parties, participate in clubs and join a dating site if that feels fun. Do your part and know that when the time is right, of course you will attract love again. You ARE love. Like attracts like. So get on with your awesome life and shift your sensors off negative predictions and onto the ultimate prize—sticking to your values, living richly and keeping the faith that the perfect find could be just around the next corner.