I’m a pretty fiery and outgoing Aries and I recently went out with a Pisces who was much more reserved and soft-spoken than me. I liked him, but I felt I bowled him over on our date. You say to always be authentic, but is it inauthentic to tone myself down in order to connect more with this guy?

by Simone Kornfeld


We can see why this question has come up. Of course we advocate not compromising your true self in order to please someone else. This is the crux of the Smitten way. However Reader, it seems in this situation that your authentic urge is to be sensitive to your date’s mellow manner. You sense that you might connect more deeply if you meet in a place of conversational equilibrium, where both of you can feel comfortable. In your Aries style, you may have an easier time in social situations than he does, so modulating your energy with him in mind sounds like an honest, kind and considerate action. We always want you to be you, but not necessarily at all costs. In Smitten’s flirtation technique number six, Smutty Mouth, we discuss how it is crucial to consider the environment in order to assess how much smut to drop. Levels at a football game will clearly differ from those during an afternoon of croquet. Also, we advocate considering the audience. New Yorkers can generally take a whole lot of “fucks,” where just one little curse may send a good southern boy spinning. Bulldozing ahead with you-ness, regardless of the environment or the person you are speaking with, could certainly come off insensitive, and perhaps a bit crude.

In your case, we suggest not compromising on the content of your conversation, but keeping your date’s reserved style in mind as you converse with him. As a Pisces, he will likely appreciate your sensitivity, and start to open up and let his quiet dynamism shine as he feels safer with you. So be authentic to you, while also being authentic to the mood and the moment.