I'd been going out with this guy for about 3 months, and I really felt like there was love potential between us. But then he broke up with me suddenly. I find myself obsessing over him and the breakup. I hate it. What can I do to get over him more quickly?

by Simone Kornfeld


Recovering from the aftermath of an unexpected breakup can be a real drag. Following are a few tips that will help you swiftly wash that man right out of your hair. First, allow yourself to feel your feelings. The end of an affair is disappointing. It can bring up sadness, hopelessness, loneliness and even despair. To avoid these painful states we often try to rationalize our emotions and manipulate ourselves into not experiencing them by deciding we “shouldn’t” be feeling this way since the relationship wasn’t very long, or it’s stupid to be so upset. Instead, feel your feelings fully when they arise. Like a wave, let them wash through you and then wash away. The more we resist the wave, the worse the result. We begin to crack, strain and crumble. The emotions must flow through you for you to flow onward. Don’t be scared of your feelings. They won’t kill you and they will always pass.

Second, spend as much time with your friends as possible. They can be counted on to keep your wine glass topped off while listing all the things they silently despised about your ex. Hear their words when they tell you how that guy was not your guy, you just dodged a bullet and of course you will indeed fall in love again—with someone better for you. Listen to them. They speak the truth.

Third, refresh your internal cache by doing special and uplifting things for yourself. Install a vintage chandelier in your living room. Splurge on a couple dresses that make you feel undeniably desirable. During your commute do NOT listen to all the songs that remind you of him, instead enrich your mind and imagination by downloading a classic novel that has always intrigued you. Allow space to feel your feelings, but don’t over-entertain them.

Fourth, get off of the pity pot and back on the horse. Do not fall into useless thought patterns such as “Why does this always happen to me?” “No one will ever love me!” “He was perfect and I messed it up.” Life is sometimes not fair and we don’t always get what we want. You have the strength and maturity to comprehend this and avoid the vortex of self-pity. Instead, dust your cheeks with bronzer and go have a smooch-session with a sexy stranger. Seek lightness, pleasure and fun. Soon, in the not-too-distant future, you’ll find you’ve forgotten his smell, his voice, perhaps even his name… Todd? Ted? Who?