This is a really important question and vital skill to master. Once a guy has got you under the covers he's basically wired to stay the course until he's dispatched all his little soldiers. You might be totally into him, and thoroughly enjoying the ride, but not ready to go all the way. Or you might've gotten yourself into a bit of a sexual pickle upon realizing you don't dig his bedroom antics and would rather end the encounter. Either way, as is explicitly stated in the Smitten chapter The People, it is of utmost importance that you uphold your boundaries. And you can definitely do so without offending him or turning the mood sour. The strategy here is the flirtatious escape. Which might look like this: you've been rolling around in smooch-city for the last 20 minutes and now he's reaching for your bra clasp. You suddenly get a shiver of discomfort as you realize you don't want to go to second base. No prob. Slip your fingers around his wrists, slide his hands out from under your chemise, roll out of bed, and sit on the floor, fanning yourself with the copy of Vibe magazine from his nightstand. "Phew!” You exclaim, “This is getting so steamy! I need a moment to cool off." Or if things have gotten even further and he's starting to unbuckle his belt, but you’re not yet ready to make the acquaintance of his manhood, you could say "oh my goodness do NOT take off your trousers. I'm already overwhelmed! I'll be right back. I need some cold water." Basically, you can give the message that things have gone far enough without sending the message that you don't like him or haven't enjoyed yourself. Of course we support you being more direct if necessary (especially if he’s getting too pushy), but oftentimes you are having fun, it is sexy, you just need a breather to make a conscious decision about if you want it to go any further. So slide playfully away, get some space from the moment and honestly decide if you want to reconnect or slip off into the night. So far we’ve never heard of anyone ever dying of blue balls…if that even really exists. The jury is still out.